For the past 5 years, I have weighed around 150 pounds. I have fought with this number, cried about this number, lied about this number, hid my eyes from this number, Googled this number, avoided this number, and envied other, smaller numbers. I like my body, but I hate that number.
When I see 150 on the scale, any positive thought is destroyed. I have heard doctors, trainers and family tell me that weight is just a number and “muscle weighs more than fat.” I agree with them on most days. But not the days I see 150.
For some reason, the number 125 has always stuck in my head as the weight I should be. I know if I lost 25 pounds I would look skeletal, but that number has been the ideal. From adolescence to my adult life, I have been in a battle against my body weight.
I am tired of anxiety before the doctor’s office wondering what the number is going to say. I am done writing the wrong weight on forms because the real number is too shameful. Goodness, I have even lied about my weight on Treadmill machines at the gym; as if a machine would judge me!
Letting go won’t be an easy feat. I want to focus on things in the world that have eternal value, but I know I am here and God loves me even when I focus more on my legs rubbing together than how to further advance His kingdom. What have I missed while I was trying to lose 10 pounds? I know God is ready to show me.
The number on my scale makes up two strong, muscly legs that squat 185 pounds. It consists of two arms that do real pushups, two hands that create, two feet that dance, one heart that loves recklessly and hundreds of other functions that can only be described as miracles.
We are more than a number; if yours is above mine, below mine or right around mine, know that you are beautiful. Focus on what our amazing bodies are able to do: every single pound of them.
Jenna is a writer, teacher and coffee lover who has worked with “A Beautiful Me” internationally in the amazing country of Guatemala. Her heart longs to connect with people and women all over, and ultimately point them to Jesus through her life experiences. She writes about them at “Count Your Blessings Not Your Chins.”